Dear Dotty,

I’m sending this photo to help you defeat the Demon in your attic. Hold it aloft, while protecting your own eyes from the blazing vision, and you’ll have the little bastard out in no time. Retching and puking, so put tarpaulin down to protect your carpets. I’m beginning to heave a little, just by having it in a post.

We are fortunate in Campbeltown to have Linda gracing the garden of our museum, probably doing unspeakable things to wee lambs when no-one is looking. Should anyone local see this post, I’ll be tarred, feathered, and run out of town, so you may not hear from me for a while.

Love, Poet xxx
PS  I always knew I’d find a use for this photo one day.