Emission Impossible

One of the upsides (and there aren’t many) of the Mail Online is that it sometimes posts quirky sciencey stories when there’s not enough right-wing, immigrant-bashing, foreigner-hating, Little Englander bollocks to fill the “news” section of the site. That’s the wide bit to the left of the sidebar of shame.

This one is quite charming – “Sperm have ‘an appalling sense of direction’ crashing into walls and each other in race to the egg”, complete with a photo of stock cars crashing into each other to make the point. While I’m considerably miffed that the Mail pre-emptively stole the obvious choice for a photo to head this blog post, I have to admit they’ve done well with the article. I can’t vouch for its scientific accuracy, or when the research took place, since there’s no link to the study. But that doesn’t matter. As entertainment it’s already done the job.

Woody Allen has been here before, in his role as an inept sperm in the 1972 film, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Here’s the entire coital sequence, from fettuccine to apres-sex cigarette.