Apocalypse Soon: 17 Days and Counting

My bucket list is, surprisingly, getting a couple of tentative check marks. The sort you make with a 4B pencil and a large rubber handy (that’s an eraser for non-Brits). The bloody builders, who have so far refused to give me a timeframe for repairing the rotting floorboards underneath my shower, are sending someone round with tile samples this afternoon (tomorrow as I write this). And they promised to give me an ETA. We make progress.

Which means spending the morning having a bit of a purge, because the place is a tip. I will have to hide all the paper, tin cans, and plastic milk jugs in my bedroom. They build up, possibly breed among themselves when I’m not looking, mostly in the bedroom, on the kitchen counter, and in the bath. Other people keep coal in the bath, I keep recycling. One has standards to maintain. Torn between guilt and laziness, I don’t put them in the trash, but I’m too bone idle to take them down to the bins at Tesco. Oh, and the filing, a heap of papers on the coffee table. This is why I blog – the only working surface left is my desk.

And I’m down to my last shirt, so it has to be a laundrette day as well.

Here are Penn & Teller, gleefully trashing the whole End of the World industry.

Apocalypse Soon: 18 Days and Counting

I hope you hadn’t forgotten. As a public service, I will be posting daily reminders and cheering videos to help make the most of the Ante-Apocalypse. Remember, now is the time to make peace with the gods of your choice, find some gods pretty damn quick if you’re atheists, and generally get your affairs in order.

I intend to clean my flat, get the rotting floorboards under the shower fixed, redecorate, shout at my ISP until I get a blazing fast internet, go on a diet, have the cataract operation, lose weight, get fit, acquire a cat, build a honking great library, fall in love, and tell the people I already love that I love them. And that’s not even counting the travel. I want to pop my clogs knowing there was everything to lose. Apocalypse might have to be postponed.

If I did manage to do all this, and the world actually did end, I’d be really pissed off.

Here’s a cheerful video to kick off the countdown.